


somehow I will wash my hands of all this

by smudgythoughts



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Coda, Episode: s13e02 The Rising Son, Gen, Introspection, POV Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2019-01-20 07:44:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12428109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smudgythoughts/pseuds/smudgythoughts
Summary: Sam sees himself in Jack, and it digs up some stuff he would rather not think about. But maybe it's time to forgive himself.





	somehow I will wash my hands of all this

**Author's Note:**

> Some angsty Sam POV. I'm loving his story arc this season.

Jack is just a kid.

His eyes light up whenever he learns something new, and he looks up to Dean, and he’s a loud snorer and goddammit, he’s just a _kid_.

A kid who didn’t ask for any of this. An absent dad, powers he can’t control, the weight of the world on his shoulders – any of it.

He doesn’t want to have supernatural powers. He just drew the short end of the stick. He’s so very _afraid_ of them, of making one wrong move and accidentally hurting the people he cares about. Not that there’s many of them left. His mom was gone, and after that his life had been one shitty draw after the other.

Sam doesn’t know whether he just described Jack or a younger version of himself. Maybe there isn’t much of a difference.

Sam’s _own father_ had asked Dean to kill him if he lost control. And the sad thing was, at the time, Sam had thought it was the right decision. But now Sam is older. He’s grown. He’s learned. And, looking back on it, that was an absolute shitty thing for John to do. Not just to Sam, but Dean as well.

Over the years Sam has met a lot of people who made the best with what they were given. Garth and Bess settled down in a nice quaint little cottage, despite being werewolves. Then there was Dean’s friend Benny. Maybe Sam didn’t necessarily like him, but he trusted him. Enough to put his life – and his brother’s, which is sure as hell more important than Sam’s – in Benny’s hands.

Then there was Magda. A poor girl who was killed for simply having powers. Treated as a fuse that would one day go off, and not a human being with hopes and aspirations, good if given the chance.

A few years ago Sam would’ve sided with Dean, would’ve taken Jack back and shot him like a disobedient dog. Except now his viewpoint has changed. Jack isn’t – _Sam’s_ not – a monster or a creature or a _freak_. He’s just a poor kid trying to do his best, to help as many people he can before his time is up. It’s not his fault. And he deserves a chance to be better. Sam can only hope that Dean will see that.

Dean says he isn’t afraid of Jack. But Sam knows that’s a lie. Years on the road with Dean has given him the ability to read Dean like a book. Sam’s just decided to give Dean space for a little, to cool off.

Now Sam, on the other hand, isn’t afraid of Jack, but _for_ him.

He knows all too well how terrifying it is to not trust yourself. If Sam didn’t have the support of his family, of Dean and Bobby and Cas, he doesn’t know what he would’ve done. So Sam’s gonna be there for Jack.

Jack deserves to be happy. And maybe Sam does too.


End file.
